Tuesday the 7th was a tough day for any true Viennese soul. Condé Nast Traveller announced that Vienna has achieved second place among the “friendliest cities in the world” – a headline that would probably make every true Viennese turn in their grave (it being spooky season and all that jazz).
Not long ago, we were proud holders of the title “World’s Unfriendliest City” – a title we proudly held for several years. There was something magical about being genuinely unfriendly and unwelcoming, and at the same time being the city with one of the highest quality-of-life rankings out there. Something truly Viennese.
But where has all our Wiener Grant gone? The one thing that truly makes you a Vollblut-Wiener – the need to constantly complain and whine about things you have no business complaining about, the casual way in which we were rude to each other, all while easily staying polite. It made us witty, it made us smart, it made us absolutely adorable, if I may say so myself.
I’ve heard my dad more than once insult strangers in the most polite way you could imagine, never once losing our so-much-loved “Sie” or “Herr Ober.” It just came to him naturally. Not just him though – there are many old-school Viennese left. The Obers at Café Hawelka or Café Sperl (where HEIMAT has its weekly Stammtisch) are living proof that the Wiener Grant is still thriving and alive.
And it’s not just a mood – it’s an art form. True legends of the Wiener Grant used to be Karl Kraus or Helmut Qualtinger, whose quotes long outlived them. “The Austrians are the only people who become dumber through experience” is one of my favourites from Karl Kraus, who so nonchalantly, perfectly described that Grant can be so much more than just being rude to the person in front of you ordering an oat milk Melange – it is a cultural critique on society, all neatly packed with a joke along the way that makes you chuckle.
The Wiener Grant is what makes us us, in a way that’s historically proven. There have been comics, books, articles – all going back to the golden hours of Vienna (yes, there have been multiple). It’s Vienna’s heartblood, our heartbeat, the rhythm we all live by. So much so that even the Wiener Rathaus once called it: “The Wiener Grant is more than a cliché – it is a historical phenomenon grounded deep in Vienna’s culture.”
My theory? The magazine that started the title of “Unfriendliest City in the World” is mostly run by expats – people who move abroad (not much unlike most of the HEIMAT team). Vienna has become much friendlier to people moving here – our great universities and quality of life are to thank. But more than that, I think these people stay close to other expats and don’t come to see the real Wien.
So let’s all go and meet the unfriendly waiters of true Viennese coffee houses. Let’s raise our normal milk Melange, sigh dramatically, and reclaim our title – let’s all become meaner, wittier, and sarcastic again – but politely. I say we need to collectively become more grantig again, because what would Vienna be without it? After all, we cannot lose that title to a German city.
If you want to experience some real life Wiener Grant, here are some of our favourites:
About the author
Eleonore Marie Stifter - Resident Viennese. Writes about culture, taste, and the art of complaining beautifully.
